Massive Hats on Mass Street
Monday, September 21st, 2015
we speak softly like the first sip of coffee on a Sunday morning
and we live harder than those tequila shots Saturday night —
scattered steps lead me in whichever direction I choose
and your love leaves me freer than before —
our dreams and legs intertwine —
but you are still yours
and I am still mine.
Jumpsuit: Triple Thread hat: similar here booties: similar here
Bored if I Don’t
Wednesday, September 16th, 2015
September makes me feel as if I’m living in August’s ghost. I’m already envisioning everything that next summer holds in it’s veins. The daydreams, they haunt me. The leaves are falling to their death around me while my dreams fill my lungs with a flora so wild, the vines twist blindly around my bronchi. The life growing inside my lungs is so beautiful — so pure, but I can’t fucking breathe.
How do I surrender myself to the happiness of this moment when I’m continuously looking for the next adventure? Watering the garden of my being while my now’s are stuck in this drought.
Thankfully, my lungs aren’t the only organs in my body about to burst. This heavy heart of mine, so full of love, never fails to bring me right back to where I belong: in the now, weeding my lungs of unnecessary growth in order to make room in my crowded being for its own expansion.
I still dream of gardens and libraries, sometimes… until I remember that this silly mass inside my chest holds gardens greater than Eden and words so vast, the Bible would be jealous. I still dream of one set of fingerprints running all over every crevice of my heart, and then I’m planning my next escapade and imagining my own set of fingerprints all over the globe, and the future doesn’t feel so lonely anymore.
I don’t know if how vastly and wildly I love could ever make up for my inconsistent heart, but I do know that the places I travel love me in the exact same way I love everything that surrounds me: blindly, and I could never trade these seemingly endless fervent moments for a single comfortable lifetime.
Dress: thrifted similar here, here, and here
heels: old, similar here and here
The Romanceless Romantic
Tuesday, September 8th, 2015
She was nothing if not romantic, but she lived romancelessly.
Summer was filled with a whole slew of pretty words in that delicate script,
four am would roll around and there she was, always — manically trying to convey in her journal all the love she received but never felt. It was always tossed angrily aside when he crept up in her thoughts, though. The last time she truly felt safe in someone’s arms:
the sun was beginning to rest on the skyline as they walked down crowded streets bustling with energy, hand-in-hand. He matched her stride effortlessly — he always did, and this astonished her, as she knew she was not an easy woman to keep track of. It was in the midst of these streets where she witnessed couples falling in love, families falling apart, and life forming in front of her eyes. Words had never reminded her of white noise before, but here, the unfamiliar mix of languages surrounding her sounded a bit like raindrops hitting pavement. Anxious conversations transitioned into the kind of chaos that could calm only her soul. As they finally approached a bench in a secluded area at the edge of the water, she began to wonder how in this distant land, surrounded by foreign waters and strange voices, his hand intertwined in hers for the very first time, could feel so familiar.
Do you see why she lived romancelessly yet?
I guess, to her at least, love and inspiration were synonymous.
and she had already bursting with this passionate inspiration for so long — the beautiful kind that’s tender to the touch.
Good or bad, she just wanted to feel something else.
babydoll: Adore Me
How to Date Dead Guys
Tuesday, June 23rd, 2015
Welcome to my very first book review! I’ve been meaning to post this for actual ages, but I’ve been sick this entire summer with a stubborn sinus infection and I’m just now starting to recover. I’ve been hoarding blog content for weeks! I wanted this to be my first blog post back, because I wanted you all to know how much I love reading as well as writing. Growing up naturally independent and drawn away from most social situations, reading is what gave me any bit of social awareness I may have (but probably don’t have!) Yes, okay, I am used to physical, tangible books, (hence the photoshopped images to my ipad for the sake of quality and clarity,) but when the author of this captivating book directly sent me the ebook, I knew I was going to love it.
How to Date Dead Guys: Okay, I’ll admit, at first glance this book sounded like another cliché vampire-werewolf love saga to me too, but to be perfectly honest, I related to nearly every word of this book and its characters in some way or another. When it really comes down to it, that’s what I really look for in books — something to relate to. Admittedly, I’ve related to wizards, murderers, sailors, survivors, princesses, paupers, villains, victims, and yes — even ghosts. I am so easily attached to fictional characters. I’ve cried over pages filled with words more times than I have over boys.
In How to Date Dead Guys, I felt like I was actually the main character, Emma. In the beginning, she’s filled to the brim with self-doubt and socially awkward tendencies. As she progresses through the college year, she’s faced with situation after situation that forces her to come face-to-face with her fears, her dreams, and herself — a quarter-life-crises if you will.
This book touches on so many subjects so quickly, from love, to college, to addiction. It reminded me that feelings aren’t rational and there isn’t simply one single version of love; sometimes it comes in waves — magical, sacred moments, and once in awhile, love collides. I read How to Date Dead Guys twice in a three day period and I was just so in love with Emma, watching her transform from this inexperienced young adult to condensing years of life into a very short period of time and maturing as a human being in such a nontraditional way.
I don’t even want to explain the plot details of this book to you at this point, because I didn’t even go over that before I picked it up and dove straight in, and every time I thought I knew what was going to happen, I didn’t. Plot twist after plot twist! I adore Ann M. Noser (how cute is she?!) and her writing style; I cannot even fathom how amazing the second book is going to be!
Anyways, what I’m saying, is that anyone from middle school through to college aged and beyond should take a dive straight into this book as well, if you want to feel something.
You can purchase this book on Amazon or Barnes & Noble!
and you can follow the lovely Ann M. Noser for more updates on Twitter and Facebook!
Belonging to Spring
Friday, June 5th, 2015
Although her first layer may consist of pinks-too-pale, heels-too-high, pearls-too-big, that’s never stopped her from running around on uneven ground trying to keep up with the elusive butterflies roaming just above her head — she has always been not-so-secretly envious of them. Giggling as she trips over the exaggerated platforms her mother warned her not to purchase, she reminds her mother that only the dull end up unscathed. Picking herself up and daydreaming about living among the flowers, she doesn’t even think to brush her green-stained knees off before frantically scrambling to catch back up to the delicately winged creatures. One in the same, they don’t belong to anyone but the Spring breeze.
[Top: c/o Hot Kiss Jeans: American Eagle Wedges: Windsor]
Happy Friday! I hope your night is as wine and popcorn filled as mine is going to be!
Thursday, March 19th, 2015
She drank him in like her friends inhaled their poison of choice:
messily and without apology —
and that’s exactly what he was to her.
He was her whiskey.
He was her wine.
He was her poison.
She sipped on his words,
downed his touch,
took one last swig of his ego,
and then drowned in the apologies that never came.
He was a shot of tequila in the moonlight
when she needed a glass of water and sunshine
Day five of my South Padre Island Spring Break Adventure, and let me tell you, it has definitely been an adventure of sorts. I’m thankful to have been on this gorgeous island all week with two of my best friends. Growing up in landlocked central Kansas, going to the beach is always refreshing; standing next to the seemingly endless ocean always puts my life in perspective – even during the craziness of Spring Break shenanigans. I can’t wait to live on the coast someday and eat fruit on the beach with a book to my heart’s content! As fun as Spring Break has been this year, I’m really missing my cats, my parents, and my cats. I took this simple little Piko dress with me because it’s just so versatile! For this shoot, I paired the breezy dress with my Jeffrey Campbell booties, some matching sunnies, and a necklace I stole from a friend (thanks Paige)! I’m really loving easy dresses and shirts for the spring — the soft kind I can just throw on and go. I also love, love, love shopping locally. This cute little boutique on Mass called Envy has about 93851309458032 of these dresses in 593480 different colors and I just want them all! Here in SPI I used it as a cute little swimsuit cover on the beach. What has your Spring Break been like? I hope it’s been full of saltwater, sunshine, and over-the-top good vibes. I love this dress, I love this boutique, I love Lawrence, I love YOU, and I can’t wait to be on my way back home tomorrow!
dress: envy (Lawrence, KS)
Thursday, February 12th, 2015
Valentine’s Day coming up really has me thinking about all of these near fairytales I’ve lived: the countless letters I’ve received, the beautiful poems and songs that have been inspired by relationships I’ve been a part of, the stars I’ve counted in the beds of trucks, the notes that have been left in the margins of my favorite books, the Dutch canals I’ve held so close to my heart… The relationships so effortless and natural that they never needed a label — the company I surrounded myself with that was so sacred to me that I selfishly kept it hidden even from those closest to me in attempts to fully grasp and understand the experiences and energy being shared and exchanged.
There have been moments so ethereal and perfect that I to this day refuse to write about because not even words can do my feelings justice. I’m almost scared to write about these things sometimes — as if the universe might take offense to how I’ve tried to capture these transcendent moments in time with a few simple scribbles of ink.
I’ve tried to convince myself that I didn’t love these people. That I somehow created the butterflies I felt in my stomach at 3am or the sad goodbyes in Paris metros in my mind, but I’m just now realizing that this isn’t the case at all.
It turns out that magic lies in sacred places to me and I lie to myself about the people I’ve loved.
I don’t really know what the point of this extensive post is, except maybe to apologize to those who have fully committed to the idea of wanting me, but never truly having me — to those who feel like I’ve nonchalantly touched their hearts without even knowing it. I thought it would be easy to leave. To forget. But you have been stuck
in my cowardly heart for far too long. I keep waiting for the memories
to fade but they simply refuse, because while you were unhappily in love with your love for me, the truth is, your love for me was in love with you the entire time.
Wednesday, January 14th, 2015
My favorite part about blogging is that it allows me to combine all of my favorite things: photography, fashion, and writing. Sometimes a look inspires me to write, but most of the time what I write inspires a look, even if it’s just a silly little poem I made out of my fascination with color blindness. With this post, I wanted to get two completely different looks, but with almost the same feel. Now that I’ve written it out, I realize that it doesn’t make much sense, but I wanted to make the first look as playful as possible, so I went with this fun floral print dress with a flirty open back, but I took it a step further and paired it with the brightest pink skater skirt I could find. I added the red chunky belt to mesh it a bi t– to make the pieces look like they actually belong together, and of course I had to finish the outfit off with my favorite Parisian powder blue bowed heels and a fun gold chain necklace. I thought curls would up the playful factor of the look as well! For the second look, I knew I wanted black and white photographs, which I don’t get to use as often as I’d like because I usually want to show off the colors, but with this look, I wanted the focus to be on the textures, patterns, silhouettes, and shapes of the pieces, so I opted for a longer polka dotted midi skirt, a striped scoop back bodysuit, and to tie it to the first look a bit I drew the look together with a white bow around my waist. I finished it off with a huge elegant ballerina bun, more of a uniquely cut heel to add shape, and pearls to get even more of that pattern contrast. I absolutely adore both of these looks! Which one is your fav?!
Out of the Woods
Tuesday, December 2nd, 2014
She adored the grand size of things in the woods… the
feeling of being far away and truly lost– secluded, really. It was as
if the trees were standing guard and nobody could find her. They
understood her peculiar need for solitude. They understood her. She
found life in the dying leaves and poetry in the ever changing bark of
elderly trees; she wandered through the dense forestry until she
stumbled upon the millions of dancing fragments of sunlight, broken up
like glass, shining as restlessly and elusive as her own heart. She
danced with them until they disappeared with the sunset. That’s what
true sorrow was to her, because each time she had to leave her
unfinished fairy-tales carved meticulously into the earth, a bit of her
heart stayed behind as well.
When Peace & Chaos Collide
Tuesday, September 9th, 2014
The moments right before I am fully awake
are my favorite moments.
The ones when I’m simply lying in bed,
not fully conscious,
or fully recovered from the previous night’s reveries-
looking out through my seventh floor window
at the blurry neon shirted construction workers
floating around the earth below me
like the butterflies that once inhabited my abdomen.
The moments before I put my glasses on.
Before I can see their faces,
lines drawn in them like stories,
telling me about lovers lost and children grown.
I’ve always had a secret love for chaos.
Sporadic, enchanting mayhem;
the kind of clutter and confusion that passes me by
too quickly to even form opinions.
I like the moments before anything is real
when I can imagine and be whatever I want.
When the commotion feels orderly enough.
When everything just is.
Guys I made this top and these shorts. For like a total of $10. This is what I do when I’m bored and have spare time. I’m not sure if I’m ready for fall or not. As much as I love layers, hats, and pumpkin spice lattes, I sure am going to miss sundresses, crop tops, and skirts. But, wow, I can’t wait to see Lawrence lit up with bright dying leaves and lively anxious souls. I’m already pumped for halloween, honestly. I love creepy, ominous things. Haunted houses, cemeteries, crazy makeup, crazier night skies- it’s what I look forward to every year. But then again, every holiday is my fav. Whenever someone asks me what my favorite holiday is, I literally name whichever big calendar date is coming up. What’s your favorite holiday? Season? Moment? Tell me things. I love you for sticking with me through my own personal chaos by the way. From overseas trips and fragmented fairytales to moving away from my tiny town and starting over. I just adore you all a lot.